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First and Gold
Puns. Parody. Plenty of Irish Love.
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Friday, November 10, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Silencing all your Fans
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The 2006 Video Highlights
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-First and Gold
Friday, June 16, 2006
Swingers
[4 months ago]
Answering Machine: Hi, this is Jimmy. Leave a message.
Pete Carroll: Hi. Uh, Jimmy, this is Pete. I met you at the, um, at the 5 Star Football camp, uh, tonight. Uh, I just called t-to say that I had a great time... and you should think about USC and call me tomorrow, or in, uh, t-two days, uh, whatever. Anyway, uh, my number...[Beep!] is...
Answering Machine: Hi, this is Jimmy. Leave a message.
Pete Carroll: Hi, uh, Jimmy, this is Pete again.
I just called 'cause it sounded like your machine might've cut me off... when, uh, when I... before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh... And also, uh, sorry to call so late,
but you were still at the 5 Star camp talking to Coach Weis before I left to throw more dummies off the USC campus buildings, so I knew I'd get your machine. Anyhow, uh, uh, my number's...[Beep!]
Answering Machine: Hi, this is Jimmy. Leave a message.
Pete Carroll: 213-555-USC(#)2. That's it. Just wanna leave my number.
I didn't want you to think I was weird, desperate, basing our franchise solely on 2 players for the past 3 years, or being out-recruited from my own backyard-d... We should just, uh, hang out... for the next four years or so and, uh, see where it goes. 'Cause I’m nice, and, uh, you know, we have no more national title e-expectations. So, okay? Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.
Answering Machine: Hi, this is Jimmy. Leave a message.
Pete Carroll: I just got out of a four-year relationship with another quarterback who might be auditioning to be the 5th member of 98 degrees okay? That should help explain why I'm acting so weird. I just wanted you to know that. It's not you, it's me. Do you like Snoop Dogg and Jimmy Fallon…? I can set-t … set that up… nevermind… I'm sorry…
Pete Carroll: … This is Pete.
Answering Machine: Hi, this is Jimmy. Leave a message.
Pete Carroll: Hi, Jimmy, this is Pete. Could you just, uh, call me when you get in? I'm gonna be up for a while trying to find a quarterback who isn’t named after a slang word for a part of a person’s anatomy or one who isn't sexually harrassing coeds and I'd rather speak to you in person... instead of trying to fit it all into [Beep!] ... F**k!
Answering Machine: Hi, this is Jimmy. Leave a message.
Pete Carroll: Uh, Jimmy? M-Pete. It's, uh, uh... It's just, uh... This just isn't working out. I- I think you're great, but, uh, I-I... can’t handle the pressure of molding quarterback talent. Maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, it's me. It's what I'm going through. All right? Uh, i-i-it's, it... It's only been 4 months since my last quarterback...
Jimmy: Pete?
Pete Carroll: Jimmy! Great! D- Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along?
Jimmy: Don't ever call me again.
[Click]
Pete Carroll: Wow. I-I guess you're home.
a skylar novak joint
Friday, May 12, 2006
Big Charlie Style
Uh, uh, uh, uh
Ha ha, ha ha
What, what, what, what
Ha ha ha ha
On your mark ready set let's go
Offense pro
I know you know
I go psycho
recruitin' big name kids
Just won't quit
Gotta get Jimmy wit it
Ooh that's it
Now gun-it gun-it out wide
N-F-L type
Offense you will thrive
You gotta
Golden
Arm with a lotta
Zing on it
Bring us 4 rings
Let's spin
Everybody lookin' at this
new Heisman bid
Wishin they Irish dancin' a jig
Here with this handsome kid
Blue chip-a chip-a right from Cali-forn-ia
We don't fight it
He's got the look
Now let's sign him
Best Irish catch since Mo at Navy
Givin out TD's
Bringin heat on gameday
Yo his spikey hair's infinite (ha ha)
Big Charlie Style's all in it
Gettin' Jimmy Wit It
Na na na na na
Na na na na na
Gettin Jimmy wit it
Na na na na na
Na na na na na
Gettin Jimmy wit it
Private Team Jet if you need a lift
Wanna learn from the best?
Who else B. Quinn
Living that life some consider a myth
Rock from South Quad to Finn-i-gans
Recruits used to tease me
Commit to me now nice and easy
Since I moved up like Mack and Pete-y
Dream to the maximum
I be asking em
Would you like to bounce
with the brother
that's platinum???
Never see Lloyd attractin em
Rather play ball with Chad and them
Michigan...
Psyche
Irish
You thought we took a spill
But we didn't
Weis callin all the shots we're winnin
Touchdown Jesus so rich with tradition
Gug for the team on the outskirts of Ivy
You tryin to flex on ND?
Don't be silly
Getting Jimmy wit it
- First and Gold
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Classified
Charlie: Thank you. Hello. We will be dealing with USCs and PSUs as our simulators. Now, then, as most of you know, USC's recruits doesn't have the TD-to-INT ratio that Clausen has. And, it doesn't bleed blue and gold while running a 4.43 40-time like Walker. However, our offense does have a problem with its 2nd quarter point totals. It won't put up the 21+ points we need. The latest intelligence tells us that the most it will do is one touch --um-- Excuse me, clausen. Is there something wrong?
clausen: Yes sir, the data on our high powered offense is inaccurate.
Charlie: How's that, sir?
clausen: Well, I just happened to be like a MiG 28 the way I throw touch....
O-Line: We!
clausen: Uh, sorry O-Line. "WE" happened to be like a MiG 28 that can put up 40 pts a quarter.
Charlie: Where did you see this?
clausen: Uh, that's classified.
Charlie: It's what?
clausen: It's classified. I could tell you, but why dont i just show
you the national championship.
- First and Gold
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Brokeback University (USC)
[Somewhere in the Raging Ghetto of South Central Los Angeles]
Pete Carroll: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! F**kin' real good life! Coulda had us more National Championships. But you didn't want it, Reggie! So what we got now is a “one-peat” at Brokeback University! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, f**kin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know that I could only win one national title with your amazing talent! You count the damn times that you saved our ass these past three years and you measure the short
f**king leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about, and you know that the possibilities of me every winning a national championship again is close to zero without you by my side. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla national championships once or twice a century! You are too much for me Reggie, you sonofawhoreson bitch!
Pete Carroll: … I wish I knew how to quit you
Reggie Bush: (Crying) Well, why don’t you? Why don’t you just let me be? I’m going on to be the Texans first round draft choice and I’m looking forward to finding out first hand what David Carr knows already, and that is what the flavor of the turf at Reliant Stadium tastes like. Get the f**k off me! I can’t stand you taking credit for all the hard work that I’ve done these past few years… sure we’ll always have Brokeback University, but I can’t stand being Poodle’s pet anymore…
[What happens next can most amply described by Poodle Pete’s decline into obscurity while Mr. Bush continues to go find out that his amazing talent is egregiously outshadowed by the poor skill level of his new Texan linemen]