BCS Can't Handle the Truth

            SKYLAR
When you learned of Notre Dame’s near loss to USC you had a meeting with, your Harris Poll representatives.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Yes.
            SKYLAR
At the time of this meeting you gave the Harris poll representatives an order, is that right?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
I told the Harris poll representatives that Notre Dame’s ranking was not to be touched. And I ordered the computer poll operators to place ND in the top ten.
            SKYLAR
Why?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
I felt that Notre Dame’s ranking might be in danger once word got out that shittier teams like Boston College who don’t play anybody had won
            SKYLAR
Grave danger?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Is there another kind?

            SKYLAR
            (continuing)
After Notre Dame’s loss on the night of the 15th, the University was sealed
off and its contents inventoried.
            (reading)
11 National Championships, 7 Heisman trophy winners, 3 billion dollar endowment, more tradition and history than any other sports franchise on earth…
            MACK BROWN
Please the Court, is there a question anywhere in our future?
            SKYLAR
I'm wondering how a top ten BCS standing could exist without Notre Dame?
            SKYLAR
            (continuing)
I'll tell you what, we'll get back to that one in a minute. JT hands SKYLAR the computer printout.
            SKYLAR
Your honor, these are Notre Dame’s records for this year and these are 15,000 letters that Notre Dame fans who have wrote in nine months requesting, in fact begging, for a top ten ranking.
            (to BCS REPRESENTATIVE)
Upon hearing the news that Notre Dame was finally Going to be in the BCS top ten, the fans were so excited, that do you know how many articles were written about this new found BCS ranking? Zero. Nobody. Not one call from the administration to alumni asking them for money after telling them that they were going to be in the top ten. Not one call to the board of trustees saying can you give me some more cash upfront to put the finishing touches on the brand new state of the art ‘gug’. Notre Dame was waiting quietly with no celebration prepared on Monday for what you said in 6 hours was going to be an ND re-emergence into the BCS showcase… Can you explain that? The fact is there was no top ten order. Notre Dame was going to be dropped out of the top ten for some undeserving bullshit teams like Alabama who needs last second field goals to win against shitty SEC teams on the road, isn’t that right?
            MACK BROWN
Object. Your Honor, it's obvious that SKYLAR'S intention this morning is to smear a high ranking BCS system in the desperate hope that the mere appearance of impropriety will win him points with the national public.
            MACK BROWN
            (continuing)
It's my recommendation, sir, that Lt. Skylar receive an official reprimand from the bench, and that the BCS system be excused with the Court's deepest apologies.
            COURT
            (pause)
Overruled.
            MACK BROWN
Your honor--
            COURT
The objection's noted.
            SKYLAR
Sir?
BCS Representative's smiling ...... and now he can't help but let out a short laugh.
            SKYLAR
            (continuing)
Is this funny, sir?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
No. It's not. It's tragic.
            SKYLAR
Do you have an answer?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Absolutely. My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Maybe ND was a late celebrator and liked to prepare later in the day. And maybe the board of trustees were just not interested in this type of thing. What I do know is that Notre Dame was set to arrive in the BCS top ten around evening time on that Monday. Please tell me you've got something more, Sklyar. Please tell me there's an ace up your sleeve. There is a university that is fending for its ranking. Please tell me their lawyer hasn't pinned their hopes on billion of dollars worth of endowments. Do you have any other questions for me, counselor?
            SKYLAR
A moment ago said that you ordered Notre Dame’s ranking not to be touched
            BCS Rep
That's right.
            SKYLAR
And the Harris poll representatives were clear on what you wanted?
            BCS REP
Crystal
            SKYLAR
Any chance they ignored the order?
            BCS REP
Ignored the order?
            SKYLAR
Any chance he just forgot about it?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
No.
            SKYLAR
Any chance they left your office and said, "The 'old man's wrong"?
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Have you ever spent time in the BCS commission, son?
            SKYLAR
No sir.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Ever dealt with a system that produces controversial co-champions?
            SKYLAR
No sir.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Ever put your teams ranking in another man's hands, ask him to put their ranking in yours?
            SKYLAR
No sir.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
We follow orders, son. We follow orders or teams lose their prestige. It's that simple. Are we clear?
            SKYLAR
Yes sir.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Are we clear?
            SKYLAR
Crystal.
            SKYLAR
            (continuing; beat)
Sir, I have just one more question before I call the AP Poll members: If you gave an order to the Harris poll representatives and your orders are always followed, then why were they in danger, why would it be necessary for you to order the computer poll operators to place ND in the top ten.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE has no answer. Nothing. He sits there, and for the first time, seems to be lost.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Notre Dame was a sub-standard team. Their rank was being lowered because --
            SKYLAR
That's not what you said. You said you gave the orders because ND’s ranking was in grave danger.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
            (pause)
Yes. That's correct, but--
            SKYLAR
You said, "They were in danger". I said, "Grave danger". You said--
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Yes, I recall what--
            SKYLAR
I can have the Court Reporter read back your--
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
I know what I said. I don't need it read back to me like I'm a damn--
            SKYLAR
Then why the two orders? Why did you--
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Sometimes Harris Poll representatives take matters into their own hands.
            SKYLAR
No sir. You made it clear just a moment ago that Harris Poll members never take matters into their own hands. Harris Poll members follow orders or team’s lose their prestige. So Notre Dame’s ranking shouldn't have been in any danger at all?
            Everyone's sweating now. Everyone but SKYLAR.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
You little bastard.
            MACK BROWN
Your Honor, I have to ask for a recess to--
            SKYLAR
I'd like an answer to the question, Judge.
            COURT
The Court'll wait for answer.
            SKYLAR
If the Harris Poll members were told for Notre Dame’s ranking not to be touched, then your further order to the computer poll operators should not have mattered?
            SKYLAR
            (continuing)
The Harris Poll members ordered the code anti-gold and blue because that what you told them to do?
            MACK BROWN
Object!
            COURT
Counsel.
SKYLAR will plow through the objections of MACK BROWN and the
admonishments of COURT.
            SKYLAR
And when it went bad, you cut ND loose.
            MACK BROWN
Your Honor--
            COURT
That'll be all, counsel.
            SKYLAR
You had Harris poll voter Terry Bradshaw sign the phony ranking order
            MACK BROWN
Judge--
            SKYLAR
You doctored the BCS computer polls.
            MACK BROWN
Damnit SKYLAR!!
            SKYLAR
I'll ask for the forth time. You ordered--
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
You want answers?
            SKYLAR
I think I'm entitled to them.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE
You want answers?!
            SKYLAR
I want the truth.
            BCS REPRESENTATIVE



You can't handle the truth!…………………
            SKYLAR
BCS Representative… did you order the Code anti-blue and gold!?!?!
BCS REPRESENTATIVE
Your God damn right I did
            SKYLAR
To please the court, I would like to move for an immediate BCS re-institution; Notre Dame has rights and is still the best team in the country, is only two unlucky plays away from being National champions and deserves to be treated like the heroes and legends that they are.
            COURT
Motion Granted


- A Skylar Novak Joint